Earlier today I was feeling low, out of sorts, not myself. As a result I wasn’t being pro-active, in fact I was drifting around my home, moving from one thing to the next, starting things not finishing them, getting increasingly irritated with myself, not at all present. I didn’t like how I was being and what I was (or more importantly wasn’t) doing. I knew nothing was wrong and yet I was still thinking and feeling this way. So it seemed that some part of me wanted this. Amidst my disgruntled mood I got curious about that.
I began to notice a very subtle manic feeling within that was drawing me further and further into inertia and was filling up on my low state of being. I recognised this as the feeling that Eckhart Tolle refers to as the active pain body. I was feeding it, allowing it to gorge and in return it was draining me.
Curiosity really is my best friend. The more curious I got about what was occuring within me, I suddenly got a deeper insight…..
I’m distracting myself…..That’s all.
It’s so simple. That’s what I’m doing here. I’m simply distracting myself from the present moment. I’m distracting myself….from my self.
Nothing’s wrong. There’s nothing to fix. Just see it. Notice what you’re doing.
And in this noticing I shifted. Suddenly everything looked different. When we can see how we’re tricking ourselves we become free to choose if we want to continue playing the trick. Or if we want to do something else.
Wouldn’t it be nice if I told you I stopped distracting myself from my self and instead sat for the rest of the afternoon in the blissful feeling of who I really am, beyond the illusion of my thoughts about who I am.
In truth, I went to Sainsbury’s. There was no blissful feeling. There was a rebalancing.
And that rebalancing was the bliss.
About the Author
I coach high achievers in the performing arts and music industries, together with entrepreneurs and leaders in corporate. I'm drawn to work with pioneers and innovators. "The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes" Marcel Proust
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